Love can be broken down into three stages, which include the first, which is erotic passion or lust, the second, which is romantic passion or attraction and the third, which is attachment or commitment. Let us take a look at all three stages. Be aware that you are not going to experience all three stages with everyone you meet. It is possible to feel attracted to someone and to lust after them but to not ever fall in love with them. The more you date the more you will come to learn the difference between the three stages.
Lust first enters our lives after puberty. At this time estrogen in girls and testosterone in boys become active in our brains and we begin to desire love, only is it a very primal form that is more akin to lust. It is believed by researchers that lust and romantic love came about as a result of different things. Lust developed due to the need to find a sexual mate while romantic love is more connected with the need to bond with the child that comes about as a result of a sexual union taking place. It is normal then for someone to feel romantic love for a person but not feel lust, or vice versa. It is our appearance, our pheromones and the traits we look for in a mate that play a vital role in where lust takes us, however it is believed that it is a desire for romantic love that leads people to the second stage, which is attraction.
In order for a relationship to move forward, lust must give way to attraction or romantic passion. How long this takes to happen is different for everyone. Romantic passion often renders us incapable of thinking logically and at this stage we cannot stop thinking about the other person. As well we tend to romanticize every aspect of the object of our affection and we do not see that the person has any flaws whatsoever. At this stage the other person is perfect. When couples reach this important stage of a relationship, they will find themselves spending every possible moment together and they will enjoy the process of getting to know one another very well. The expression "love is blind" comes into play at this stage of love. If the romantic passion remains strong and intense then the couple will find themselves well on their way to the third stage of love, which is commitment or attachment.
The commitment stage is when love is for the long haul. The fantasy and romanticism of love has passed and now real deep love has been entered. Many relationships falter and fall apart at this stage, as it is not easy to endure certain problems once a couple has become deeply attached to one another. Researchers have found that the happiest couples are the ones where one partner idealizes the other, such as seeing the person in as favorable a light as possible. For example, believing that your partner is a better listener than you or more sympathetic to others tends to work towards a happier and more lasting marriage. It has also been should that certain chemicals are released in the brain during the commitment stage of love. These chemicals include endorphins, oxytocin and vasopressin.
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