Love Lesson

What to Look for in a Soul Mate

There are those who disbelieve that such things as soul mates exist, but typically these are people who haven't found that special person who is everything they'd hope for in an ideal partner and then a whole lot more. Those who have found that kind of partner however, don't doubt the existence of soul mates. They know they're around and they constantly count their blessings at being one of the lucky ones!

So what should you look for if you're looking for a soul mate? Well the first thing is that it must be someone who you find attractive. That doesn't necessarily mean they have the looks of a model and the body of an athlete. What it does mean is that there is something about them physically that catches your attention. Usually this is the first thing that you'll notice about them and which will draw you closer towards them. It could be a crooked smile, an infectious laugh, a sparkle in their eye, their height, hair -- in fact anything visual about them.

Once this person has grabbed your attention it's time to look a little deeper into their soul mate potential.
A soul mate is someone who will be your life partner, your lover, your best friend, and the person who will, over time, be able to complete your sentences and make decisions on your behalf as if you'd made them yourself. Don't expect this to happen as soon as you first meet the person who will become your soul mate.

What you should anticipate is that your soul mate will have many characteristics and opinions that match yours. They will have some which don't exactly match yours, but they will rarely conflict with what you believe.

A soul mate is someone who feels the same connection to you as you do to them, so if you are feeling a particularly strong attraction to someone, they seem to be on the same wavelength as you, and are using positive body language (such as leaning in towards you) when they have contact with you, then there's a good chance that this person could be the person you're looking for.

A common misconception about soul mates is that they never argue. This isn't the case. Don't expect life with your soul mate to be an idyllic relationship with no bumps along the way! The difference lies that these bumps won't affect the relationship in a negative way. They may cause you to address your own belief system, but they won't threaten the relationship in any way.

A soul mate isn't someone who is always thinking about themselves. They think about you and them as one unit. Even if it's not particularly what they want, but it's the best thing for the relationship, they're happy to go along with it. If you've met someone who constantly talks about their own goals and doesn't think anyone else should have any input into these, then this person may make a good partner in other respects, but they don't have soul mate potential for you - if they ever find their soul mate however, then they may find that they change their viewpoint!

A relationship with a soul mate is one that isn't always tranquil but one that feels safe even when life isn't easy. You know that this person will be with you throughout the remainder of your life because even with disagreements and problems you both know that there's no-one else you'd be happier with. Don't take the word of those who haven't found a soul mate, take the word of someone who has -- because if they've found it, they've got the evidence that it exists!

11 Tips On How To Write A Love Poem

Creating your own love poem that someone special in your life needn't be difficult.

Even if you remember the correct grammatical terms for verse and rhyme is not important here? Whilst that's great to know when you're studying literature, it might hold you back when you're starting out on your very own love poem.

Only two things are important here.
1. To think from the heart
2. To write from the heart

So how to start?

1. First of all get yourself some paper and a pen and block off a bit of time when you won't be undisturbed. If you want to play some music fine, but let it be inspiring stuff, rather than loud and aggressive. I've often found that setting aside a particular block of time, (say ½ hour) helps.

2. Sit down quietly, close your eyes and remember all the good things about your loved one. Try to focus on three main areas for the moment (you can choose others if you like). Think about a) How you felt when you first saw them. When and where did you meet them, what was said,and what were they wearing? b) How it felt when you knew you were in love with them. When was the moment? How did you know? How did you feel and how did you tell them about it? c) How you feel now that you're with them. How do you look forward to the future together? What plans do you have? How do you compare your life now with your partner to times before, without them? What dreams do you share?

4. Now start to write your thought down onto paper. This is called prose. Prose is more every day speech than poetry, and it just describes your thoughts and the facts (for a fuller description see wikipedia.com You could think of prose as just an outpouring of your feelings onto paper. Don't hold back. Just go for it. It can all be edited later. For now, just spill it out and get it down.

5. When you feel that you've written enough (you decide how much that is), it's time to review it. A review is your own chance to really look back at what you've put down on paper.

Are there parts you don't like or areas you want to write more about? Perhaps there are sections, words or sentences that you really don't want in there? Be honest with yourself. No-one's looking at it at this stage, and you're not trying to rival Shakespeare. It's more important that these are your honest feelings, even if you might ‘flounce them up', poetically, later on.

6. Most ‘love poem' advice now recommends that you replace common nouns with proper nouns. It's not too complicated. It means Instead of saying ‘flower' - which is pretty general, be more specific and choose a type of flower - say ‘Rose' for example. Make sure your choice of flower begins with a Capital Letter.

7. The next stage is to put a 'strong' verb in place of a 'weak' one. Don't fret too much about this. Instinct should tell you if it sounds right.

8. And finally, the general advice is to bring all these three memories together with a metaphor. Remember them? When you use as… like. It's a comparison. Again Google comes up with a good explanation. This page also has come good poetry metaphors to get your started.

9. The last stage is to re-read your prose – either out loud, or in your head, making note of all those conscious thoughts you have about it. You can make notes on the paper at this stage or just ‘feel' what it says to you. This process breaks up the prose into poetry.

10. You may want to give your poem a title. You can either pick something from what you've written or write something general such as ‘What you mean to me'.

11. When that's done decide if you want to hand write your poem on a blank card or whether you'd prefer to type it on the computer, and print it. With a bit of placement planning, you can fold and insert your print-off into your card).

Remember that it's love poem. The person you've written it for will be more touched by the effort you've gone to than any worries you might have over your 'English'. For more inspiration take a look at some of the classic love poems out there.

20 Cute Love Quotes to Make You Smile

If you're a hopeless romantic, nothing can bring a smile to your face quite like cute love quotes can. The problem is, finding cute love quotes that aren't cheesy can be a bit harder than one might imagine. That being said, they are indeed out there. Here are 20 cute love quotes that are anything but cheese.

1. "Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means." ~ Leo Buscaglia

2. "Love builds bridges where there are none." ~ R. H. Delaney

3. "Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." ~ Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

4. "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." ~ Joan Crawford

5. "When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out." ~ Elizabeth Bowen

6. "Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late." ~ Kurt Cornish

7. "What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork." ~ Pearl Bailey

8. "Love is the only gold." ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson

9. "LOVE: The irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." ~ Mark Twain

10. "Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it." ~ Josh Billings

11. "I don't want to live-- I want to love first, And live incidentally." ~ Zelda Fitzgerald,

12. "Love is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties." ~ Jules Renard

13. "Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle." ~ Crystal Middlemas

14. "Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." ~ Franklin P. Jones

15. "Love is the wisdom of the fool and the folly of the wise." ~ Samuel Johnson

16. "It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it." ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

17. "If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools." ~ Katherine Mansfield

18. "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." ~ H. L. Mencken

19. "Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love" ~Albert Einstein

20. "Everyone admits that love is wonderful and necessary, yet no one agrees on just what it is." ~ Diane Ackerman

Who says cute love quotes have to be cheesy? These twenty love quotes prove otherwise. The next time you find an anti-romantic in need of romantic inspiration, share these cute love quotes with them and prove that love is worth pursuing!

How To Fight Fairly As Couples

Every couple fights. You may have a friend who swears that she and her husband do not fight. Chances are: your friend is lying.

When you live with someone for any length of time, you are bound to argue once in awhile. Arguing is a normal and healthy part of any relationship.

How you argue is what is important to maintaining a healthy, happy relationships.

1) How NOT to Argue

Contrary to popular belief, there is a wrong way to sue. For instance: if you are looking at your spouse and words that you would never call another person are flying out of your mouth, you are probably fighting badly.

You should never call your significant other bad names when you are arguing. It demeans your spouse and yourself.

There are millions of words in the English language; I'm sure you can find something else to say that would not be quite as hurtful to your spouse.

If you start to fight with your spouse about something that happened over twenty-four hours ago, you are causing a bad situation.

You would not discipline your child for something that happened longer than a day ago, why should you be mad at your spouse?

And about the past: forget it. It's fine to learn from the past, but if you bring up an incident that happened weeks, months, or even years ago, you are fighting unfairly.

An issue should be dealt with as soon as possible, not days, weeks or months later.

If your partner is trying to tell you something, you need to listen to them. Everyone hates to be interrupted, and if you interrupt your spouse, they will feel as if you are not listening to them, or do not care what they are saying.

It is hard, sometimes, to not interrupt during an argument, as you may want to refute a point the second you hear it, but do your best to tuck that point away in the back of your mind so that you can discuss it when your spouse has stopped talking.

It is also not fair to call a friend, co-worker or relative, such as a mother-in-law, to get their side or opinion about the subject at hand.

The argument is between the two of you and no one else. If you want to talk to someone about the situation, do so before or after, but remember to not take too much stock in what they may say.

People outside of a situation have a different view of things, and may not know everything that is going on in your relationship.

2) How TO Fight Fair

If you have an issue with your spouse, you need to bring it up as soon as you possibly can.

First, though, make sure it is truly something that needs to be discussed with your significant other. Sometimes our emotions can cause us to overreact to things, and we blow up before we've had time to think about the situation.

Afterwards, we feel ashamed and frustrated that we let ourselves get so worked up over something so minor.

Before you go into a fight, arm yourself with time and knowledge. Make sure that you are battling your loved one for the right reason, and that the transgression was truly great enough to warrant a fight.

3) Let The Small Things Slide

Sometimes you have to let the small things slide, in order to live in peace and harmony.

Once you have decided to discuss the situation with your spouse, you need to figure out a time and place where you can have the argument.

You want to avoid having the argument in front of your friends and family, as it will make them feel uncomfortable. It will also be hard to resist asking your friends and family their opinion about your argument.

Also, you want to avoid arguing in front of your children. It is good for your children to see that even adults disagree, but having a full-blown fight in front of them can scare them.

Some partners actually schedule a time during the day to hash out any disagreements that they may be having. This can be good as it becomes a predictable time for airing out grievances.

Remember: all couples fight. It is a natural result from loving each other and living in close quarters for a long time.

The trick to a long-lasting marriage is to know when, and how, to fight fairly. If you treat your spouse with respect, they will more than likely treat you with respect.

Celebrating a Romantic Halloween

Halloween isn’t just a children‘s holiday! This season, why don‘t you shake things up with a sexy Halloween celebration? The nippy fall air and the invigorating, starry nights are the ideal atmosphere for romance, whether you’re still dating or simply improving the romance you have already found.

Romantic ideas for Halloween are plentiful, and having a sexy Halloween could never be more simple! A lot of adults will spend Halloween at a private gala or a nightclub event, or you may want to hold your own sexy Halloween party. No matter what you‘re doing, a sexy Halloween costume is a must for a spooky evening of romance.

It is important to search for an adult Halloween costume you feel comfortable in. Not all sexy Halloween costumes are seductive; there are a variety of hot Halloween costumes to please every style, from adorable nursery rhyme characters to skin-baring community service workers.

Choosing a Halloween costume that is the right size is also vital to your comfort. Sizing on most adult costumes is easy to understand, including extra small sizes as well as 4x extra large. There are plenty of sexy plus size Halloween costumes for full-figured ladies and a variety of costumes in small sizes as well. If you plan to enjoy the festivities with your significant other, you may want to consider trying one of the sexy Halloween costumes for couples. Dressing up as a couple, especially in romantic or sexy costumes, can result in a rather satisfying Halloween!

If you plan to throw your own sexy Halloween celebration, you‘ll also want decorations, spooky snacks, and games. Besides your typical Halloween decorations, try creating a seductive environment with an assortment of creepy lighting, like the gothic tabletop candelabra. Strobe lights and sound effects can also enhance your party.

Plan to provide your guests with a variety of refreshments. Try some fun Halloween recipes or serve store bought Halloween cookies, punch, finger sandwiches, and, of course, plenty of candy! You will also want to keep your friends amused with a selection of grown-up Halloween games. Announce ahead of time about the various divisions of your costume contest and plan to spend a couple hours dancing to your favorite beats. You might consider an insanely fun game of Twister or other standard party games. You can also play charades, bob for apples, or seductively pass pineapple rings between your friends using only straws and mouths. There are plenty of adult Halloween games to keep your party entertaining!

No matter what you’re doing this spooky holiday, we have the Halloween attire, eerie accessories, and other supplies to keep things fun for you and all your friends and family! From outfitting the pets and the little ones to decking out your house and garden, the Halloween Shoppe is your one stop shop for all your ghoulish supplies and your romantic Halloween headquarters.

Written by - Michael Schurmann is a freelance writer devoted to keeping love and romance alive.

Make Time for Your Relationship

"We don’t have to wait till Valentine's Day to think about relationships, whether we're in one or would like to be. Most people would agree that romance is the key element beneath the relationship pot. Be it a steamy, sizzling wok or a warm, steady slow-cooker, romance is the flame that generally gets-and keeps-the heat of love alive.

But what exactly is ""romance""? When my wife and I were dating, we were ultra-romantic in the usual sense of the word. There were roses, love letters, surprise gifts, spontaneous adventures, and hours upon hours of talking and... you know, that other stuff. To be honest, though, some of the initial romantic heat has cooled off a bit. Like couples everywhere, we find ourselves pressured by the demands of daily life: work, children, finances, household chores and commitments to extended family. Yet, through all our years together, we have somehow found a way to balance these things. And while our definition of romance has changed somewhat according to our altered circumstances, we still manage to keep our relationship fresh and exciting. White-hot all-consuming passion has melted into love, consideration and affection. But most of all, romance for us has become a way of making the ""everyday"" exciting.

It doesn't take a lot of money or effort - just a commitment to making our relationship special by paying attention to it and a willingness to make (here is the four-letter secret)... T-I-M-E Romance keeps the spark alive. It keeps a relationship vital and interesting. And... it takes time!

Nurturing your relationship, enhancing it, and keeping it flourishing takes time, which is all too precious for many couples. But by establishing priorities and setting goals, by making better use of the time you have, and by creating time you thought you didn't have, you CAN find more time for each other. The first thing to do is prioritize! You can spend your time in one of four ways, doing things that are: Important and urgent (such as caring for your child that has fallen down and is bleeding); Important but not urgent (sitting together sharing about your day); Not important but urgent (taking your suit for dry cleaning, before tomorrow's meeting);
Not important and not urgent (switching on the TV and zapping between the channels). When you look at all your time-consuming tasks, let go of any task that is not important. By focusing most of your time on doing what is important but not urgent, you can eliminate a lot of the crises (important and urgent) as well as the unimportant things.

Your perspective on what constitutes ""urgent"" will also change. Here are a few important, but not urgent, activities to put high on your priority list: 1. Have a regular daily chat. Turn off the TV and the cell phone and sit together for a short time, uninterrupted and face-to-face, every day to share your thoughts and feelings. Tell each other the little details as well as the big news. Focusing on each other for as little as fifteen minutes can make a huge difference. You will both feel appreciated and heard.

2. Spend one evening together each week. Plan a specific night each week for your special date. Get a babysitter or trade childcare time with a friend. Once scheduled, treat the commitment as if it were written in stone. Don't break the date! Take turns planning the activity (and occasionally surprise each other). Take in a movie, go for a bike ride, have a bubble bath, dance in your kitchen. Whether it's a dress-up home-cooked meal or a picnic dinner on the living room floor, make it special. It doesn't have to be expensive, just generous.

3. Spend some ""day"" time together. Get up earlier than normal and have breakfast together at a coffee shop. Commute together if at all possible. Meet at lunchtime for a quiet meal or a ""stolen moment"". Rendezvous after work for a drink and an appetizer before dinner. Meet at a park for a walk in the fresh air. You'll be surprised how lively conversation can become when you're meeting in the middle of the day, away from the household chores.

The anticipation of a planned evening or activity can be fun and exciting, even if (especially if!) you've been together for a long time. By making a date, you'll set aside the special time your relationship deserves and rediscover the romance that started it all."

Author Nisandeh Neta

Love Tip

Always look your partner in the eyes when you say "I love you"... It comes across as more meaningful and heartfelt

Love Quote

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet

Plato

To End or Not to End Your Relationship

Vanessa, 30 years old, is struggling with whether or not to end her six-year marriage. The answer is not at all clear to her.

Vanessa and Jon have a “good” marriage. They are kind and caring with each other. They enjoy many of the same things. So why is Vanessa in such turmoil over whether to stay or leave?

The problem is that Vanessa is very lonely with Jon. They are good friends, but they are not emotionally intimate. Jon has no desire to share any of his feelings with Vanessa, nor does he have any desire to understand Vanessa’s feelings. He is content to keep everything on the surface, while Vanessa wants a deeper emotional connection.

Since they have many good things in their marriage, Vanessa has decided to try marriage counseling, and Jon has agreed. Counseling or not, there is only one thing that can save this marriage – Jon and Vanessa shifting out of their intent to protect against pain and into an intent to learn about what is loving to themselves and each other.

Jon’s intent has always been to protect against pain rather than to learn about being loving to himself and others. He has done this by numbing out his feeling with marijuana and work. Jon’s choice to continue to protect against pain or to begin to open to learning from his feelings will determine the outcome of the counseling.

Vanessa, too, has operated with the intent to protect against pain. She has ignored her own feelings and been a “good” wife, submerging her own needs to comply with what Jon wanted. But at some point, she shifted her intent to learning about what is loving to herself, and now she realizes she cannot continue in an emotionally disconnected marriage.

The issues in your relationship may be about emotional distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, constant fighting, emotional abuse, (if there is physical abuse, then you must find a way to leave), or being used financially. There may be control and resistance occurring around many different issues. Yet the underlying issue is a lack of open and caring communication. And open communication only occurs when both people have a deep intention to learn about their feelings, fears, limiting beliefs, and resulting unloving behavior. If one or both people in a relationship are closed to learning about themselves and each other, the relationship will not heal.

If you are thinking about leaving your relationship, first think about your own intent. Are you open to learning about your feelings, beliefs and behavior? Or, are you devoted to protecting against pain with anger, withdrawal, resistance or caretaking? Are you avoiding your feelings with substances and activities, or are you opening to learning from your feelings and exploring yourself with a process such as the Inner Bonding process that we teach? The first thing you need to do is deal with your own intent.

Once you are open to learning for a number of months, and really doing your inner work, then re-evaluate your relationship. Has anything changed? Is your partner more or less open to you? Are you talking more and fighting or withdrawing less?

If things are not getting better or are getting worse, then it is time to ask your partner if he or she is willing to do some healing work with you – through counseling, workshops, and reading books together. If your partner refuses to embark on a learning journey with you, then it is clear that this relationship will not change. At this point, you need to either fully accept it as it is or leave it. It will not become the relationship you want it to be unless both of you are open to learning.

If one or both partners remain in the intent to protect, the relationship will not heal. Yet most relationships can be healed when both people are deeply devoted to learning about loving themselves and each other.

About The Author - Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.

10 Steps to Happily Ever After

Do you know what all happy and healthy marriages have in common? In every one of them you will find two people committed to making each other happy. You will find a man who cherishes his wife and puts her needs above his own, and you will find a wife who respects and trusts her man. We live in very selfish times. Pop-psychology messages are everywhere in the media encouraging us to love ourselves, do right by ourselves, and generally please ourselves first. If you really want a happy marriage, don’t buy into that type of self-centered thinking. Instead, try these 10 time-tested techniques and experience the happiness, peace, and tranquility of a healthy marriage.

1. Make time for each other. It’s so easy in our hyper-busy modern lifestyles to forget to set aside a little time to enjoy each other’s company. Start a weekly tradition of setting a date for the two of you to be together doing something you both enjoy. Keep it simple. Take a nice walk together. Sip coffee together in a cozy coffeehouse. Talk to each other, reminisce, and get to know each other again.

2. Take time off from each other. Give each other space and time to work on hobbies and personal interests. When you have an interesting project to work on, you will feel more fulfilled and you will be a more interesting person.

3. Make little romantic gestures. Remember to compliment your spouse. Leave a little love note for them to find once in awhile. Celebrate the day you first met. Send flowers for no particular reason. You should continuously make little deposits in your spouse’s emotional bank account. The return on your investment will be incredible.

4. Fight fair. Don’t argue in front of other people. Don’t insult each other or each other’s families. Never threaten divorce, and never go to bed angry. Let the little things go, and don’t make a big deal out of every disagreement. Before arguing, think; is this really going to matter in the long run?

5. Take interest in what interests your spouse. Watch their favorite shows with them. Read their favorite book, so you can talk about it with them. Encourage them to develop their talents.

6. Listen to your spouse. Husbands, remember that women need to express their feelings. Be a good sport and just listen. Don’t interrupt, or get distracted. Empathize with her. Let her know that you can relate to what she’s feeling. Ladies, please remember that the kind of talk you might like to have with your husband does not come naturally to most men. Just be patient. It’s not a good idea to “unload” on him right when he comes home from work.

7. Accept your spouse for who they are. Practice total acceptance. Don’t hold your spouse to your expectations; you will only succeed at building resentment.

8. Express your commitment. In little ways, you can, and should, renew your vows to each other over and over. Your spouse will feel comfortable and secure knowing that you are truly committed to the marriage. True closeness will only happen when all doubt and insecurity is replaced by confidence in the relationship. Let your spouse know that you really are in it “till death do us part.”

9. Trust in each other. Don’t be suspicious. Don’t snoop through each other’s belongings. To help ensure the trust, be honest with your spouse in all things. Never keep secrets from each other, not even little ones.

10. Make it your aim to be your spouse’s best friend. Appreciate your spouse for who they are. Loosen up and have fun with each other. If you are practicing the steps above, you are on your way to being your spouse’s best friend – the ultimate relationship in marriage.

About The Author - Slade Hartwell, Webmaster at http://www.ezromantic.com We offer tons of romance and relationship help such as: great articles, advice, love poems, book reviews, gift ideas, romantic travel guides, a relationships forum, and more